Wednesday, September 29, 2004

DAS SPUNKEN SEARCH FOR THE UK'S MOST DEPRAVED COUPLE -THE STATS

Well all good things come to an end and thank goodness the search for the UK's most depraved man has too. (courtesy of swingersheaven.co.uk) Anyway the following stats were collected:

As a women I received

140 offers of straight sex
98 offers of receiving oral sex
72 invitations to give oral sex
23 offers of anal sex
12 offers of watersport sex (wee)
2 offers of watersports sex (poo)
1 offer of animal sex
1 offer of double penetration


I have come to the conclusion that men are scum!

As a man I was offered

1 offer of straight sex
1 offer of watersports (poo & wee)
2 invitations to give and recieve oral sex

Thats the stats! Now I will post up the advert, responses and winner in the ladies catergories.

WINNER OF THE DAS SPUNKEN MOST DEPRAVED MALE IN THE UK


simon 2
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
After much debate and far tomany pictures of naked freaks accross the UK the winner is Simon2 (cute_blonde_guy@hotmail.com) as he calls himself.

His utter filth amazed all at Das Spunken, and the picture of his sub human genitalia had us all searching for the sickbag. (his penis seems to be attached the wrong way around)

Anyway he said

I like to make love but prefer to do both number 1 and 2 on you before having sex so my faeces becomes runny and acts as lubrication for sex.

When i meet you I want you to piss in my mouth and tell me that I am a worthless dog. Then we can watch a video of me masturbating and smearing myself in my own faeces.

After I will do everything you want. Thank you and hope to see you soon.


EEk...Congratulations Simon you are the UKs most depraved man. Anyway I have told Simon he is the winner, if you would like to send him your congrats or watch him smearing poo on himself email him on the above mail.

Now it's the ladies..............dont worry there are only 2.



Have you ever tasted milk like this?


milkman
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
We often wonder what became of the milkman, his clinking bottles and cheeky wink. Click on the link and re familiarise yourself with the daily toil of the master of cow juice.

Coming soon the winner of the most depraved man in the UK (thats right folks it's the one you have all been waiting for)

No sex on the high seas!


pugwash
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Das Spunken dispels the Urban myth of the Captain Pugwash Crew.

Contrary to popular belief, the names of his crew were not particularly smutty. 'Master Bates', 'Seaman Staines' and 'Roger the Cabin Boy' (plus the later addition of 'Simon the Bar Steward') being the names often quoted as proving the programme's dodginess. The Guardian was not the only publication which had to make an apology after printing the story that the BBC had withdrawn the program after finding out the dodgy names.

The story may have come about from the name "Master Mate", which seems to have sometimes been slightly mispronounced. In the episode Fair Exchange (BBC video, "Seafaring Tales"), part of Pugwash's final line doesn't sound quite like it is supposed to. Click on the link above to hear pugwash say masterbate! (master mate)


Wednesday, September 22, 2004

One of the most underated actors in cinematic history


The_Silence_of_the_Lambs
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
As a young spunken of the 80/90's generation I watched the frankly piss poor serial killer thriller Silence of the Lambs.

Like many people of my generation I was truly horrified near the start of the film when Jody Foster first goes to meet Hannibal Lector. A mentalist psychopath jumping around his cell and shouting greets her.

Then literally like a bat out of hell he chucks a handful of man spunk at the delightful frame of suspected lady taster Foster.

The psychopath played by actor Frank Seals Jr was only on screen for a total of 42 seconds but left a lasting impression upon a whole generation.

This man milk protest was the pinnacle of Franks career. Franks career began with Gung Ho (1986) billed as "When East meets West, the laughs shift into high gear!"

The laughs didn't get past first gear and Frank played an umpire in a baseball game. It was 4 years before Frank worked again; in 1990 he landed a part in a made for TV film called Criminal Justice. Frank played a homeless man sleeping in a cattle pen. Obviously impressed with Frank???s abilities, along came The Silence of the Lambs role, which has made Frank a legend of modern film.

Frank only had to wait 1 year before starring in Passed Away where he played the part of a flower deliveryman. Unfortunately Franks career passed away after this. He has no other credits to his name.

Warhol said that everyone would have his or her fifteen minutes of fame. Franks Seals Jr was 14 minutes 18 seconds short of fifteen minutes but his impact would last for years.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

RUNNER UP IN THE MOST DEPRAVED MAN IN THE UK


stelios and mate
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Thats right folks we are down to the last 2 fellas in our search. Look who it is, it's Mr Easy Jet himself Stelios Thingyos from Greece.

Once upon a time the greek multimillionaire used to date Danni Minogue (ok she maybe the mongoloid brunette version of Kylie, but she was Home & Aways uberchick), but now poor old Stelios is sending his vital statistics into the retards at DAS SPUNKEN. Nice to see his covered the bald patch up with that fetching hat though.

Stelios says "My come(sic) shoots up inside you while your fanny is squeezing it. You then bend over for a long, slow kiss while I softly carress your body and then book you onto a flight to Barcelona without telling you about airport tax and hidden extras, in a hot flying tin can with astronaut food and warm beer served to you by miserable underpaid staff in orange jump suits."

Stelios lookalike you may not be a multimillionaire shipping and airline magnate but you are the runner up in the most depraved man in the UK competition and no money could buy that honour.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Would you let this woman sodomize you?

We at Das Spunken were happy to chance upon the Miss Georgia Sex Offenders 2004 Pageant, full to the brim of female sex offending beauties guaranteed to send any man wild. Just one question: what is aggravated sodomy?

http://www.porkdisco.com/so.html


Not sponsored by


Not sponsored by
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
The obvious sponsors of the Spunken. I may have to write a letter to see if they are interested

Friday, September 10, 2004

Das Spunken sites of the week


shrews7
Originally uploaded by das spunken.

The sites this week that are making our bladders expand with joy are:

http://users.ox.ac.uk/~linc1160/

If Gary glitter had a cricket team this fella would be opening batsman.

http://groups.msn.com/Gettingthroughlifewithasmallpenis/general.msnw?
Penis Matters.

http://www.btinternet.com/~brentours/PC2004.htm

Bad, mad and sending their details into DAS SPUNKEN -the coppers.

www.ratemypoo.com
Shite site.

www.welcome.to/rentaghost/
The ultimate guide to TV ghosty business (FACT Did you know that the actor playing Timothy Claypole died of aids in 1987).

http://www.matthewhunt.com/cunt.html
Introduces his guide to cunt.

http://art-nu.com/
-online lesbian art gallery.

http://www.gunchicks.com/
guns and girls.

http://www.novell.com/training/cde/features/randy.html

This man will not fiddle with my technology.

More in a week.

Mr High Pants


my-pic2
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
I will then CUM all over you, your feet, ass, tits and in your mouth. i will then piss on you. Then i will stand up turn my back on you, put my clothes on and leave you.

Whe you leave will you be pulling your pants upto your nipples like in the picture opposite!

DAS SPUNKEN COUNCILLOR OF THE WEEK


elecpotter
Originally uploaded by das spunken.

Claire Potter
Party: Lib Dem
Ward: Worthing

Claire is unlike many other MP???s and has her own blog, which includes 3 postings the last dated Apil 2004. It says ???I have been very quiet on the posting front recently. The truth is, I have my assessment day date through - the 17th April???. I suppose the lack of any further postings means that you may have fucked up the assessment day.

Worthing has recently taken over from Eastbourne in the most popular pensioner hang out in the UK (bar post offices and mortuaries obviously). A traditional tory heartland, Claire???s blog is an enlightening insight into the mind of Lib Dem politician:

I shall never forget hearing Aquiesque by Oasis for the first time and thinking it was just the coolest thing on the planet. (Oasis went rapidly downhill from there, but that's a different story Hey she is down with the kids!

This is nothing to do with the theme of my blog I know, but I just couldn't let this occasion pass without a mention. Biggedy biggedy bong.

I bet Michael Howard and Tony Blair are shitting in their beds with the thought of you on your way to Westminster. Nice ruff by the way.

Claire keep on lib demming your way into the eschelons of power!

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Watch it lads Burnsides back in Sunhill


Exhibit 1
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
This man looks like actor form The Bill (if you are not from the UK this will mean nothing)

When not on the beat in Sunhill he likes writing intimate porno mag style stories.

"Then I notice you are wearing no underwear at all and you ask me what I was doing wearing leather( Im a motorcycle rider) as leather turns you on big time."

What are you doing wearing leather? I often ask people that do you? I obviously informed him that he was going on the site and he seem less than entertained by the idea:

If you show me on this site I will find out wear you live and I will bring my sledgehammer. I will hold you down on the floor and smash your knee caps to dust. I do have connections in the underworld and know people that are willing to go to extreme lenghs to inflict pain upon people.

Das Spunken reply:

Dear DCI Burnside,

Thank you for your previous email.

Technically it would be very difficult to smash my knee caps to dust due to the surrounding blood, muscle and tendon deposits. It may be possible to smash my knee caps to a liquid pulp, which would be more applicable when threatening me in future.

Well Burnside, we have looked at the pros and cons of your mail and we have decided that you better call up your people in the underworld that are willing to go to any lengths (please note this is the correct spelling of lengths unlike in your text) because you are a new interweb star.

With warmest wishes

Mr Das Spunken

Can i sell you a used car sir?

This man looks like he would pleased to sell you a nice little runner. He states his age as 29! Maybe in 1980, anyway this is what he says

"I can get very depwaved" (i think he has a speech impediment)

"you can piss on me, while I enjoy your vagina" I think there maybe a steady stream of people willing to piss on you, but the vagina bit may be out of the question.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Whoops DAS SPUNKEN entrapped a MET police officer!


carlos
Originally uploaded by das spunken.

We all know what an excellent job the MET do, but nobody would have thought that the crazy murdochs at DAS SPUNKEN would have accidentally entrapped an officer of the law.


Due to legal reasons the details have been changed to protect the almost innocent. (i have called himTJ Hooker) Please read from the bottom up for the full transcript.

Das Spunken

Apologies if it felt like me dictating, anyway appreciate you understanding.
Lets leave it at that.

Thanks again
TJ Hooker

(thats right officer apologise to DAS SPUNKEN)

Dear TJ Hooker

Yes or No???, Listen buddy I'm trying to help you out here, I dont like
being dictated too. I will remove the phone number and yes this is the
mail address. Quite honestly I think the police tech support have
bigger fish to fry. Anyway it's probably one of your mates having a
laugh.

Regards
Das Spunken




Das Spunken,

Just looked on the site again, once again appreciate your understanding.
But have just noticed that at the bottom there is and email address, is this
the email address from which you were sent the ad...??? I know you dont want
to screw anyone over, so a simple yes or no will surfice? Also noticed
while looking at that email address the mobile number is my correct mobile
number which would explain the dodgy phone calls, please remove this too.
Have now checked the remaining and complete ad, noting else relates to me,
so once you have removed my number, everything else can stay.
dont forget your answer, yes or no. And please let me know if you get
anymore emails from this address. Once i get your answer I will be getting
Police Tech Support to monitor the address.

Thanks
TJ Hooker

Dear Tj Hooker

I will remove the whole post.

Regards

Das Spunken


Dear Das Spunken,

Thank you for understanding the situation, however you did not get back to
me with the details of this person who emailed you. They had the balls to
email me your web site address, but via an anonomous email account.

I have to be honest with you, I am a Police Officer for the Metropolitan
Police, and these sorts of things are frowned upon. I would appreciate you
cooperation on this issue, and send me the email address of the person that
sent you the ad as this could be someone from my past messing around, and we
need to look into the matter.

Thanks
TJ Hooker

Dear TJ Hooker,

Just to explain what happened, From my website DAS SPUNKEN I set up a
practical joke displaying a fake chicks ad on a site called Swingers
Heaven. I was looking to find the most depraved male and female in the
UK. Someone has obviously answered the ad, with their details and your
picture. I am sorry I cannot elaborate any further, the only details I
have are the ones sent to this email which have all been posted onto the
site. As you will see your pic has been deleted.

Regards

Mr Das Spunken

To Whom It May Concern,

You have my photo on you web site under the title 'Theres always a XXXXXXX' the guy in the XXXXXXXXX, where did you get this from?
Please can you pass on to me the email/web address where you got this from.
This is not my ad. Someone has been messing around and i'd like to know
who? This anonomous person sent me your web site address from an anonomous
email account so i cant trace it, but you must have sent them something. My
name is NOT XXX! My name is TJ Hooker and to be totally honest I'm really
upset, please could you forward the details of this person who emailed you
onto me and then take my picture off the site. I dont care what you do with
the ad, as these are not my details but please remove my photo.

Please reply with info at the earliest.

Thank you
TJ Hooker

Who or what is this?


What is this!!!!
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Now we are down to the last 15 or so respondents we truly are taking a one way journey to freaksville with no return ticket.

I dont know what sex this person is? I think female, but considering the superb facial hair I think we are looking at a male homosapien

Anyway this highly mulleted individual responded by saying.

I wanna fack, then i poo"

Read what you will into that. All I am saying is that I deleted the email and Im scared.

Mr Deprived


115-1590_IMG2
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
This young buck emailed us saying he was "very deprived". So below I have given him a quick reminder of deprived and depraved.

deprived

adj : marked by deprivation especially of the necessities of life or healthful environmental influences; "a childhood that was unhappy and deprived, the family living off charity"; "boys from a deprived environment, wherein the family life revealed a pattern of neglect, moral degradation, and disregard for law


depraved

adj 1: having the nature of vice [syn: evil, vicious] 2: hopelessly bad; "an unregenerate criminal" [syn: unreformable, unregenerate] 3: marked by immorality; deviating from what is considered right or proper or good; "depraved criminals"; "a perverted sense of loyalty"; "the reprobate conduct of a gambling aristocrat" [syn: immoral, perverse, perverted, reprobate]


His full entry is below: Nice jumper

hi

im 25 of asian appearance, 5'10, medium built, black short hair, dark
brown, well endowed (8ich
>eyes and i from east london. i ll be free when ever u want me ..i can always drive 2 u!!!

>i would luv to cum pin u down lick u and kiss u and work me way down
on u.
> i wanna kiss ur kneck ur face and ur lips. i ll then lick u down to

Dont U just luv peepl that tlk in tx!

Friday, September 03, 2004

SEARCH FOR THE MOST DEPRAVED MAN: DOWN TO THE LAST 15 RESPONSES

The finish post is in sight. Thank god

Erotic Writer


Erotic Writer
Originally uploaded by
das spunken.
Hi Les,

24 year old erotic writer (enjoy writing and acting out my stories). Sporty
and toned professional male working in London. I write a few stories and
this part of a short one. I'll attach a photo of me.

???She rapidly divests you of your trousers and leans
forward, Biting your stomach gently before using her tongue first in your
navel and then as she pulls the foreskin back she flicks her moist tongue
over your bulging cock head, barely touching but causing a rapid rigidity???

divests ??? I have never seen that word in Razzle or Escort. Keep up the erotic writing, you never know one day you may actually get to do it with a real lady.

Smiler Update

The Das Spunken team received an email this morning from Alan


sorry for me being a total twat but i did not see a funny side on how you projected me, as to any reporting i have done it has been returned undeliverable so thats me fooked please accept my apolagies and lets shake hands and put it behind us i did not think this was ment as a joke and i will now not be respinding to anymore adds i will go look for real ladies in clube ect hope you can find it in you to forgive a silly tubby twat xxxoxox

Dont beat yourself up Alan, there is a woman for all of us out there. What a nice happy ending hey readers!

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Your girlfriend maybe even more insecure when she reads this?


me
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Disgraceful this man is playing away from home.

Hiya Lesley,

My names Bob and i am desperate for a lapdance, my g/friend is a little insecure about her body and have yet to experience something like that. Im 26 yo and live in North London, i cant accomodate for obvious reason. I can meet this Saturday and most days in the week after next. Which area are you in? Interested?

Bob XX

PS. I haven't met anyone from here yet, do you want to be my first

Nice beard

I love Renta-ghost


Renta-ghost
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
If you are under the age of 25 Renta-ghost will mean nothing to you, but arguably Renta-ghost was the finest TV programme of it's era.


The Premise: Recently-deceased ghost Fred Mumford is determined that his parents mustn???t find out that he???s dead and so attempts to set himself up in business, along with a couple of other useless spooks, under the management of dodgy entrepreneur Harold Meaker. ???Rentaghost??? aims to give a second chance to those who didn???t do too well in life, as well as helping people with their everyday problems using the ???psychic energy??? of its employees. Things do not, however, often go to plan???

Background: Written by Bob Block and produced by Jeremy Swan, Rentaghost concentrated on Fred Mumford to begin with. The series later established Mr Claypole and Harold Meaker as the stars, with the original concept soon forgotten amid the slapstick home life of the Meakers.

First Run: January 1976 to November 1984.

Number of Episodes: Fifty-eight.

The Spooks: Fred Mumford (Anthony Jackson), Victorian gentleman Hubert Davenport (Michael Darbyshire) and jester Timothy Claypole (Michael Staniforth). Fred and Hubert were replaced by Hazel the McWitch (Molly Weir), Tamara Novak (Lynda Marchal) and later Nadia Popov (Sue Nicholls). Also visiting from time to time were Mr Whatsisname-Smith (Kenneth Connor), Queen Matilda (Paddie O???Neill), Catastrophe Kate (Jana Sheldon) and Suzie Starlight (Aimi MacDonald). And not forgetting Dobbin the pantomime horse (William Perrie and David Asquith), Jeremy the robot, and Bernie St John (Vincent White), the dragon who lived in the cellar???

The Mortals: Early on: Mr and Mrs Mumford (John Dawson and Betty Alberge) and Harold Meaker (Edward Brayshaw). Harold was eventually joined by his wife Ethel (Ann Emery), department store manager Adam Painting (Christopher Biggins), and the long-suffering Rose Perkins (Hal Dyer) and her husband Arthur (Jeffery Segal) who lived next door to ???those crazy Meakers???.

And Isn???t That... : Author Lynda LaPlante (under her stage name Lynda Marchal) appeared for a series as nanny-ghost Miss Novak, but was then replaced by Nadia Popov (Sue Nicholls ??? later Audrey in Coronation Street).

Overdone Clich?┬ęs: The Perkins??? magic talisman taking every wish literally (???I wish we could join the Meakers in a cup of tea??????), the spooks running out of psychic energy, and every episode of the last series ending in the same way, with those immortal words ???Don???t go into the cellar???!???

Fashion Statements: Most memorably a yellow and orange jester???s outfit for Mr Claypole.

Smilers not too pleased

Well Mr Smiler was so unhappy that sexy Les was not a lady that he threatened the fine people at Das Spunken calling us sick minded and twisted. See the following transcript and our response!


Thank you for your email,
Most people have taken the joke in good grace and laughed about it. If you feel that any insult has been projected towards you please inform me and I will immediately look into it. I look forward to discussing the matter further with my local police officer. As far as I am aware no law has been broken in what I am doing, and I honestly think our local bobby has bigger fish to fry. But I would be happy to discuss at length with the boys in blue the whole affair. Obviously I would have to talk them through your initial email and the pictures you sent featuring several shots of your penis. I will also have to highlight the previous email calling me a "sick minded twisted twat" which in itself is highly offensive as I am not sick. Finally you say that I have sent offensive email. All the emails I have sent to you are logged below and the only offensive email is your own. Have a nice day!
Regards
Mr Das Spunken


On Wed, 01 Sep 2004 16:15:11 +0000, "alan pearch">said:> > you sick minded twisted twat how dare you send such insulting> e.mails this has now been sent to the local police neerest to> you and will be actedupon shortly.>




Hello Smiler


hello

I have read your profile and would like to ask if you would like to help me remember what sex is like i have just come out of a loveless marrage which has not given me any sex for last 14 years and i have so much to make up for i have been given some full strenth viagra incase it is needed so how would you like to help me test it and see if i can still give a smile to a lady and give a heavy cum shoot as i use to be able to, hugs xoxxoxox alan have enclosed pics for you to show what i have to offer i work from home and can be free anytime you want.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

More crazed respondents

Hey readers tell them what you think: either call them or email them. I let them know that you might call so go on call them while their at work!

Hi there im Nathan 35, from derby, travel to london daily. I would love you to lap dance for me, hopefully including being made to lick you arse and pussy as long as you want and to fill my mouth with pee afterwards as well as anything else you like. I do hope this is depraved enough for you. I am an easy going friendly bloke with no hang ups and a gsoh.
Nat





What is Porn star F*****g?


mail
Originally uploaded by
das spunken.
im steve
i live sth london i drive so no prob traveling.
im in to anything sexual, love oral and giving anal if you like it
and pornstar fuckin, i like long sesions.
So if you like to be licked for a while you can pin me down by sitting on my face,have you finished a dance by sitting on someones face?then folowed by long shag sesions, ive just got some viagra so im dying to try some out you up for it


SEXY LES AD THAT ATTRACTED 148 RESPONSES


yelena1
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
In all the excitement of looking at endless pictures of man cock I forgot to put up the as that attacted all the attention. I used this pic, if this is you I am very sorry! The text went:

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO LAPDANCE FOR YOU?

EX LAPDANCER, NEW IN LONDON. LOOKING FOR A MAN OF ANY AGE SEX RACE TO PERFORM A SEXY DANCE. IAM VERY ORAL. ONLY THE MOST DEPRAVED REPLIES WILL GET MY ATTENTION.

I think it was the ex lapdancer bit that got so many responses.

MORE DEVIANTS SOON

SEARCH FOR THE MOST DEPRAVED MAN: DOWN TO THE LAST 60 RESPONSES

After deleting the one liners, sicko pics, and boring love letter types we are down to our last 60 responses. After this we will trall through the 2 entries in the most depraved woman contest. There is very little contest in this area though as I think one respondee is winding me up.

Mr Own Hair and Teeth


Mr Own Hair and Teeth
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Hey
it looks like there's a lot i have in common with you, Im 40, in london, 5'9'', athletic build and very virile,with me own hair and teeth.
I can both accommodate and travel.
There's a pic attached, let me know if you are interested.

Own hair and teeth quick girls snap him up!. Never trust a man with a small telephone table.

More depraved respondents

This bloke obviously has been reading too many porno mags:

I would be on a yacht fishing, slowly drifting into the sunset when i notice a beautifull deserted island with nothing but palm trees and bright purple and blue flowers, the evening air is hot i gently pull my tight vest over my head revealing my toned sweaty body i lay on the sand next to a burning fire its getting hotter so thinking im on my own on this island i remove my shorts and underwear now im naked.........................(blah blah blah he shoots his load and)
u tell me to leave the fire to burn down then pull me into the ocean where we swim and cuddle until the moon is high above the island and we fall asleep under the stars doing nothing but holding onto each other tight. changeme" changeme@o2.com


The only person to have a sense of humour

hello there sexy les,

by the way, as an alan partridge enthusiast, i really appreciate u're posting ad. but can i ask, do u wear vulcanised rubber pants, so they won't perish?

i'm marcus, i'm 24, slim 11st. well defined, dark hazel brown hair, hazel eyes, hazel facial hair, vwe ( code name popular on swingingheaven for a description of meat and two vegg )

what i'd like u to do for me would be just to grind in the most comfortable position which suits u best. but most of all, i'd like to give u the opportunity to test my matchwinning technique in tounge pleasurability.

i rekon i could make the pendulam swing for hours.....but with one condition..........a condition of unadulterated pleasure. i'll be u're slave if u can be mine. it's a give and take race, and i can't beleive i'm coming in with all these cliches, but i rekon u receive hundreds of these mails everyday,

but i would like to further discuss with u the confectionary world thru the 90's-the ripple
vs.flake debate, chocolate banjo's-what went wrong?

lets get together, i think it could be fun,

lol
xxmarcusxx


hi there horny woman,

i am harry from london and you love to be the lucky man who would enjoy your artistic side-i on the other hand-in order to pay you back for what i am sure would be a great show would use my extensive anatomy knowledge in order to please you
no part of your body would be neglected i can assure you!
harryco81@yahoo.com

Dirty Harry!

Wait for Smiler he is great.

Dale Winton Lookalike responds!

Even Dale Winton wants some action. Having kicked homosexuality into touch Dale is now on the prowl.

Hi There

I'm a 35 year old professional man, very discreet and
very horny!!

I keep in shape with kickboxing, I have an all over
tan and shaved dick n balls.

Love cooking and drinking red wine.

into anything, luv lickin/suckin/fuckin shaven pussy

Can travel anywhere due to job, based in the midlands.

Look forward to hearing from you soon

Alan xx alan_howlett2000@yahoo.co.uk

Thanks Alan for the cock montage, I decided not to show it.

SEXY LES FEMALE AD RESPONSES

Heres a small selection of the derelict minded fools that answered the sexyles female ad


Hi 89131 Texted me your email. My name is Chris, Im 34amd a single guy with no ties or kids in London. Icannot accommodate but willing to travel. Are you upfor a drink and some sex ?I am fun, 6ft, a hunk and love pubs, good company andwork hard. Im not seeking any relationships, just goodclean fun and sex !Why nor email me or phone 07984 741251 and tell meabout you !!Chris

hi there, my name is justin, u can call me j if u want, im 21 years old, can travel and im into no strings sex. i know quite alot when it comes to sex and foreplay. maybe ud like to meet up sometime. im gonna get a new pic taken sometime, maybe ud like me to send u it when i get it done. i hope to hear from u soon, j. xXx

Im a 6ft, hunk with no ties, no kids and am clean,discreet, funny, a smoker and a great body. I am aseasoned traveller and a big reader of porn. I havebeen to strip clubs in the USA, Canada and UK butnothing beats a beautiful seductive blonde ( orbrunette ) with great boobs, shaven pussy and a girlwho wants to be proud of her body.I am a good sucker, licker, kisser and know how toshag beauties. Why not ring me later for a chat ?Chris07984 741251

Hi LesleyMy name is Chris, Im 34 and received your text via 89131. I understand your an ex lapdancer.Im half English, half Chinese, can travel to you ormeet you, should you fancy a night of getting to knoweach other, hard lust and passion, even tonight. whatare your plans ? Are you single ?sadly no photo, but I have a hunky and cuddly body. Mynumber is 07984 741251. Me, single, no kids, no ties! Willing to travel !!!!What's your name ?Figure ? Measurements ?Interests ?
Are you up for getting pissed later and sex ? I wouldlove to dim the lights, play music and let you stripoff every clothes piece seductively whilst I wouldnever touch an erotic stripper. Then you would want anice hard cock in your cunt would you not TONIGHT ?Id be up for a shag ! Why not ring me ????Chris


More to come with some of the most frightening pictures you have ever seen. Obviously I emailed each one so they could see themselves in glorious DAS SPunken colour. Why not give them a call and pretend to be Lesley.