Wednesday, August 18, 2004

7 WAYS TO BEAT THE BOSS


JSKABF06
Originally uploaded by das spunken.

For most people public enemy number 1 is not Mr Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein or even John Leslie. It's the boss!

These 7 nuggets of urban wisdom will help you, the opressed employee battle back in war for office domination.


SHOPLIFTING BOSS
Slip some anti-shoplifting strips into the lining of your bosses favourite jacket. Watch him/her wander into HMV at lunch and then lay low for the rest of the afternoon.

AIRPORT GUN SCAM
It's the day of their big international business meeting and they're off to Heathrow airport very soon. Now preparation is key in this scam. Cut out a gun shape from metal at home, then bring it into the office, at an opportune moment slip it into their hand luggage and wait for the madness to commence.

THE SWOIREE STING
Your boss is having an informal gathering at his/her house with business contacts and a few choice friends. Help him/her out by inviting a few extra guests; prepare your own flyer, which could include the following example
You might put up flyers around biker bars advertising, "All the beer you can drink" and "Tara the biker babe strips" Let the Blue Nun flow!!

DIRTY BOSS
Enter subscriptions in your bosses name to the most filthy donkey love/bondage/snuff magazines you can find, and change his address by one number so his neighbour receives them. His neighbours will not only be disgusted by his perversions, they will also be irritated by the fact that he is too stupid to get his address right on the subscription. May cost a few quid but very worthwhile.

TEABAG TERRORISM
Everyone loves a nice cup of tea, especially the boss. Volunteer to make a cup of tea for your boss. All you need to do is firstly work up a sweat by jogging on the spot. Once an adequate sweat has been accumulated you need to then take the teabag wiping the sweat off your brow, armpits and the inner caverns of your groin and watch your boss drink the deathly sweat cocktail. It's even better when they exclaim in a loud office to fellow workers ц╒б─б°thatц╒б─б≥s one of the best cups of tea Ive had in ages.


Your colleagues at Das Spunken put this one into practice several years ago and gained some excellent results.

THE GAY BUILDER
Get your bosses mobile phone number and turn it into a professional male prostitutes calling card. Have fun creating your own text like "Gay Builder requires heavy construction"I have a friend called Das Stefan who can help you out with this if you need. (You can leave a comment for him underneath this post and I will pass on your details) Place them all around your local red light district and watch your boss turn grey overnight. (Grey not Gay)

Tends not to work so well if your boss is either female or a committed homosexual. (Committed in the non mad way)

BATTLING AGAINST THE BROWN NOSER (very elaborate but wholly worthwhile)
Every office has a brown noser, butt kisser, a subservient Gareth from the office type character. The type that only know how to say YES. Who is
intent on climbing the corporate ladder at the expense of their colleagues. Well it's revenge time!

Wait until your boss goes to the toilet. (Brown time is best). Once in the cubicle, go into the toilet ruffling papers and pretend to accidentally drop a paper under the door. At this point you adapt the persona of the brown noser.
Wash your hands and leave pretending not to realise your paper has gone missing. It will be an email, example below:

To: (Any made up name)
From: Brown nosers name

Date: Today or recent date
Title: My boss (or something similar)

(Body of the text should read something like)

Hi (friends name)

Yeah I am still having those thoughts about my boss. It's not that I am in love with him/her. I just have very very strong feelings for him/her. It might be a power thing but I just love the way him/her dishes out commands to other people in the office. I feel safe working next to such a strong character, I even have a list of my bosses favourite clothes, I love the (add your own bosses clothes here).

I often have daydreams about how me and (bosses name) are running the country and when he/she shouts at me and it sends a shiver of exciting down my spine.

(I will leave the rest to you)

Regards Brown Noser


Anyway brown nosing will be a thing of the past when your boss claps eyes on this worrying little email.

Have you seen the light that Das Spunken offers.

4 Comments:

Blogger The Low Flying Monkey said...

Needless to say man , you are shit hot

18 August 2004 at 14:24  
Blogger das stefan said...

Hey Mr Dirty Monkey man, that ees not the kind of comment he meanz, I supply comment such as "hello big boy need some german sausage call 0898......."

18 August 2004 at 15:46  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NUts man

25 August 2004 at 11:39  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are some cool ideas on this site man! Are you english?

6 September 2004 at 11:46  

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