Wednesday, May 18, 2005

COMING SOON TO A COMPUTER NEAR YOU

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Chew shit fun -the best name in the entire world

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

YOUR FUTURE NOW!!!!!!


untitled
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Yep folks were back and it's new year 2005 to be exact. Who knows what the future will hold? The wise owls at Das Spunken have turned the dates round to 5002 for a quick look into the future.


The English army is disbanded and replaced by 10 women from the Cambridgeshire Womens Institute who make up the crack commando unit known as ???Slackwatch??? derived from the earlier ???Blackwatch???. The dysfunctional-bodied meccanoid bitches stand guard on the white cliffs of Dover ready to twat any foreign scummers that enter the UK. Each year they take great pleasure in showing off their android bodies in a calendar, which is sold for the ???Stop aids ravaging the Tory Party??? charity.

Some author writes a book called ???the Hirst code??? sells by the shitload.

The English tourist board announce plans that the UK will now be renamed Tia Maria in a bid to sound more attractive to foreign tourists.

Nike pioneers the first jet boot. An ethical version of the shoe is said to have the holographic face of a small south East Asian child smiling and throwing several grains to rice in the air. Nike spokesperson Dominic Rent said, ???The child is fucking overjoyed, this week he earned enough for over 3 meals, this represents Nikes commitment to children throughout the world???. Labour groups are said to be up in arms over what appears to be a chain around the child???s neck. Rent added, ???Vietnam is currently being gripped by a renaissance in so called ???bling??? culture. The child is simply making a fashion statement???.

Those below the height of 9ft are considered dysfunction and sent to work in Easy Jet call centres.

The third coming of Christ is deemed to be Celine Dion, after the Canadian president reminded his nation that the singer had been alive for over 3000 years. One Dionist ritual involves the selection of a young female virgin from Doncaster; she is forced to dance to the hallucinogenic sounds of Dion whilst being fed olives until she literally bursts. Revellers then drink her secreted oily remains whilst worshiping the bent toothed deity.

On a brighter note Uranus is colonised and still proves to be the most popular gay holiday destination of the 5000s. Peter Pink a spokesperson for Uranus Tourist board says ???Most gays feel at home in your anus.???

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

DAS SPUNKEN SITES OF THE WEEK


shrews7
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Sites that are making our funnybone laugh until it dislocates our internal tract this week include:

www.twatandco.freeserve.co.uk/
Estate agents are ?????????..fill in the blanks

http://www.moustacheweb.de
German fetish

http://www.expertsexchange.com/
Did they not realise

http://www.monkeon.co.uk/swearadventure/index.html
I remember doing this on my Spectrum 48K

http://www.idiotica.co.uk/toksvig/index.shtml
I fucking love Sandy Toksvig

http://www.your-mother.co.uk/
Nice site full of quality crap

http://www.tvgohome.com/
Unlike Bruce Forsyth old and funny

http://www.nigelhaversalliance.com/
Nigel Fuckwit Havers apparently loves shaven redhead ravers

www.santa-claus-porn.com
So thats what Santa does for the rest of year. Collates porn.


More soon

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 14


nice
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Theres a strange pattern emerging in the inflatable sex doll industry. They seem to be going through a period of making female serial killer dolls. I can see the MD of Sexy Inflatables Ltd sitting in his office pissing himself at the thought of all those sad lonely old men boning Myra Hindleys effigy.

Anyway this celebrity sex killer had an ol man called Fred. To find out which wife of Fred West she is click below:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/crime/caseclosed/images/fredandroselg.jpg

What a fitting end to celebrity sex dolls that was. More celebrity sex dolls when we can be arsed looking through hordes of plastic sex toys.

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 13


westbrook
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
13 Unlucky for some and it was for our next doll. She snorted enough marching powder to keep the Colombian army awake for a year.

Next to main picture you will see aborted attempts as reconstructing her nose.

To find out which out of work former Eastenders star this is click below:

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/images/westbrook_02.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 12


753
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
This ancient celeb is better suited with a puppet dogs anus attached to his inflatable arm. He doesn't appear to have a penis.

Click below to find out who he is:

http://www.ukgameshows.com/index.php/Bob_Carolgees

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 11


kelly
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Actress, glamourmodel and generaly proclaimed top totty. This celeb glamour puss is really famous for do nothing put looking pleasant on the eye.

Click bellow to find out who it is:

http://www.rodsterino.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/calendar/Maxim%20Nov%20Kelly%20Brook%203.jpg

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

THE HOTMAIL CELEBRITY TRAIL

Back in late October we said that we would be emailing a clutch of top stars to see if they wanted to do lunch at their local beefeater restaurant. Maybe Rik Waller and Alision Moyet would go for it.

billiepiper@hotmail.com; amanadaholden@hotmail.com; stefandennis@hotmail.com; alisnomoyet@hotmail.com; stephenhawking@hotmail.com; garyglitter@hotmail.com;
lesliegrantham@hotmail.com; johnleslie@hotmail.com; jadegoody@hotmail.com; cliffrichard@hotmail.com; carolvoderman@hotmail.com; rikwaller@hotmail.com


We will keep you updated on any progress!

CELEBRITY SEX DOLL 10


1730-00-01
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Our final inflatable treat has been called "Queen of the Chavs", she presents a popular daytime show and offers patronising advice to sub human scum on a regular basis.

To find out who it is click below

http://www.peopletracer.co.uk/images/trishabl.jpeg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLL 9


1723-00-1
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
"i tell you what I want, what I really, really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna blow up version of everyones favourite pint sized Spice girl"

Click here to find out which Spice girl it is.

http://membres.lycos.fr/navi/images/Emma08.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLL 8


ginge
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Everyone's favourite ginger dance princess. To find out who it is click her

http://www.richardwho.com/collections/Images/blangford-1.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 7


eeeee
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Dark hair, side parting anul opening. This tory grandee, really knows about RUNNING for office. He wants the next Olympics to be in London. He has more chance of getting his own sex doll!

http://www.23stgiles.fsnet.co.uk/Players/_906259_coe_modern.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 6



Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Our next inflatable friend coined the term "child killer". Not a member of the Ramblers Association but did enjoy the fresh air of the Yorkshire Moor, celebrity Sex Doll 6 is:

http://www.serienmorde.de/index-Dateien/image004.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 5


linda2
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Eastenders very own Miss Piggy! The doll has a constantly shocked look on it's face ,perhaps she has caught her on screen father dressed as a pirate masterbating furiously in his BBC dressing room again.

Who is it? Find out below:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/eastenders/images/eastenders/episodes/episode_images/20030131/section/section_1.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 4


smooth operator
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Sade 80's coffee table jazz. Aparently this doll is a smooth operator.

To find out who this is look below:
http://user.chollian.net/~movieland/music/musicians/sade.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 3


JLO
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
I wonder who this one could be?

"Dont be fooled by the rocks that shes got, it's just inflatable Jenny from the block"

She used to have a little, now she's got alot, it's just inflatable Jenny from the block" (taking cock)

Look below to find out who it is
http://www.free-systems.com/jlo.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 2


jones
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Next up is a girl from the valleys and popular Hollywood actress. She married Micky Douglas and apparently multiple openings. Take a look below to reveal her mystery identity:
http://www.iranactor.com/foreigner/images/actress/catherine-zeta-jone/zeta-jones-p.jpg

CELEBRITY SEX DOLLS 1


Ruth Maddox
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
This is a new feature at DAS SPUNKEN which proves every celebrity has there own double in sex land.

Hi-de-hi campers our first doll was in popular Sunday tea time comedy which she played an unlucky in love yellow coat.

Who is she? Find out here http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/ilove/years/1981/images/hidehi173.jpg
Thats right it's the lovely Ruth Maddox.

DAS SPUNKEN COUNCILLOR OF THE WEEK


donaldmacdonald
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Name: Donald Macdonald
Party: The Pagan Wicker Man burining wing of the Labour party.
Ward: Isle of Scalpay

The councillors of the Western Isles were never going to rank as world-class beauties. But theres something about the superbly named Donald Mcdonald that sends a chill the size of a planet down your spine.

Imagine walking into your local fast food outlet to see Donald dressed as Ronald telling your children "eat your happy meal and then you can come and play with me"

Anyway Don is lead officer for entertainment on the Isle of Scalpay therefore he looks after all goat and human sacrifices, worshipping of sun gods and all paganistic festivals.

Don keep on breeding with that low genepool all the way to the Scottish parliament.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

CHAV AID THE SINGLE


Get down to Chavgos this xmas
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Hey Midge Urine & Bob Getoff have penned the words to our new chav aid anthem. Its called Let them know it???s Argos time again (feed the chavs)


It's Argos time
There's no need to be afraid
At Argos, there much fine jewellery on parade
In our store of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the town at Argos time

Say a prayer
Pray to the Beckhams
At argos time it???s hard when you're having fun
There's a town outside your window
It???s a place of dread and fear
Where the only beer flowing has the bitter taste of Skol
The argos tills that ring there
young mothers with hooped earings
Tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be snow in Stevenage this Christmas
The greatest gift they'll get this year is a soverign ring
(Oooh) Where nothing ever grows
And diamond white flows
Do they know it???s Argos time at all


Raise a glass for little Kevin
(heres to them) ravaging a mcdonalds bun
Do they know it's argos time at all

feed the chavs, feed the chavs, feed the chavs
Let them know it's argos time again
Feed the chavs
Let them know it???s argos time again
Feed the chavs
Let them know it???s argos time again
Feed the chavs
Let them know it???s argos time again
Feed the chavs
Let them know it???s argos time again

Xmas number one dont ya think.

Friday, December 03, 2004

DAS SPUNKEN SITES OF THE WEEK


shrews7
Originally uploaded by das spunken.
Current sites that are making us act like jeremy beadles limp wrist:

http://www.nationallampoon.com/flashbacks/wg/hj00.html
Chevy Chase and his family.

http://www.engrish.com/
Chinese, Japanese what are these Christmas trees.

http://www.limpfish.com
No fish neither is it limp

http://www.thefoulmouthedcunt.co.uk/
Good olde fashioned engrish boozer

http://abookreview.co.uk/
Highlighting the pretension of the London lit. set.

http://www.monkeon.co.uk/supporter/index.html#
Supporter or deporter ??? you choose

http://www.fat-pie.com/
Check out salad fingers ???you need sound for this one

http://www.gizmodo.com/gadgets/robots/05-ateam-robots-026343.php
The A-team as robots

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/gayjesus.htm
Put down those fishes and loaves and pick up a chanel handbag and a hooped earing ???introducing Gay Jesus ???the film that was never made

More soon fools